skinnycookie

EBSCOhost: Atwood's Adult Fairy Tale: Levi-Strauss, Bettelheim, and The Edible Woman

2010-11-29T20:42:00.000Z

EBSCOhost: Atwood's Adult Fairy Tale: Levi-Strauss, Bettelheim, and The Edible Woman

SUMMER!

2010-06-30T18:19:00.005+01:00

Wow, school is really out for summer guys! Prom is over, Green Day is over, I've refound my love for them and even wow today was rather sunny...and yes, tomorrow we drive to England and then off to Rome :) Lovelovelove! x

i will never love you more

2010-06-30T18:19:00.001+01:00

You say you love me more, than all the girls you have had before
Even more than music, even more than yourself
Even more than everything, but it's just a lie
So I will never love you more, than anything

I'm so sorry

2010-05-30T13:14:00.001+01:00

About my lack of posting.
I've been so busy, sitting all my 5 higher exams this year and still have 3 left to sit...Constant studying and bits of socialising leaves no time for blogging.
I love you all though and hope to maybe get back to you a bit in summer <3

formspring.me

2010-05-29T23:12:00.001+01:00

Leave me something to wake up to... http://formspring.me/glitterkitty

formspring.me

2010-05-26T12:08:00.001+01:00

Ask me anything http://formspring.me/glitterkitty

formspring.me

2010-05-25T19:31:00.001+01:00

Hi :) http://formspring.me/glitterkitty

formspring.me

2010-05-23T20:46:00.001+01:00

I might well open my heart to you ^^ http://formspring.me/glitterkitty

formspring.me

2010-05-15T10:06:00.001+01:00

Give me something interesting to think about?:) http://formspring.me/glitterkitty

formspring.me

2010-05-13T19:21:00.001+01:00

Hi :) http://formspring.me/glitterkitty

formspring.me

2010-05-12T21:19:00.001+01:00

Ask me anything http://formspring.me/glitterkitty

formspring.me

2010-05-11T21:35:00.001+01:00

Hi, please give me questions?:) http://formspring.me/glitterkitty

formspring.me

2010-05-10T17:44:00.001+01:00

Ask me anything, give me abuse, whatever, I need some excitement;( http://formspring.me/glitterkitty

formspring.me

2010-05-09T22:02:00.001+01:00

Ask me anything http://formspring.me/glitterkitty

formspring.me

2010-05-09T15:48:00.001+01:00

give me questions,need an excuse for procrastination:) http://formspring.me/glitterkitty

formspring.me

2010-05-05T17:40:00.001+01:00

Ask me anything http://formspring.me/glitterkitty

formspring.me

2010-05-03T21:44:00.001+01:00

Ask me anything http://formspring.me/glitterkitty

formspring.me

2010-05-03T00:43:00.001+01:00

Ask me anything http://formspring.me/glitterkitty

tumblr

2010-02-27T21:47:00.002Z

if i dont post much here anymore, i might be more active on tumblr x
http://mariarose.tumblr.com

love you guys more than you could imagine <3

beach

2010-02-21T21:44:00.000Z

how gorgeous is it

2010-02-21T21:40:00.003Z

to look out a window on a very late Saturday evening and witness a perfectly slender crescent moon hanging motionless in a black, star-strewn night sky, and the calm, inky ocean below cast with a flawless ripple of silvery white. A perfect, picturesque reflection of moonlight upon the water. Maybe one of the most magical moments of my life, considering also that it was shared with close friends.

I had a good weekend :)
Art trips are worthwhile, I've been working on things non stop and now I am truly exhausted and possibly need some sleepytime soon :)

animal talk

2010-02-16T15:35:00.001Z

feels like sleep

2010-02-16T15:30:00.002Z

What is it with my obsession with the realm of fantasy? Dark rooms, a prison of evil magic and terror, vortexes of exquisitely cold colour; those who wish to hurt, harm, heal. The fear of entrapment. The fear of drowning and suffocating...An atmosphere hazy and heavy with emotion and intensity; natural and still, the white moon a deathly source of light in a village free of artificial light. Candles and lanterns, gypsies and beggars, music being played in mournful sorrow down alleyways too murky and shadowed to explore. A sense of illicit thrill at the pain caused to myself and my friends as we suffer the panic of entrapment. A feeling of helplessness and despair in a world we are eternally lost in; powerless in its society and unable to communicate our often cold, listless surroundings.

My dreams are strange.

nudes

2010-02-07T20:50:00.002Z

Well today I was in Glasgow, shopping and I feel really happy and buzzy and airy-fairy. :)

Shopping is among the best cures for my misery, and pulled me out of this "ughh 2010" slump and now with a refreshing new wardrobe I'm actually quite excited for Spring. I worked hard on my Prelims and got good results, and I think I deserved an overhaul. Channelling the new trend for nudes I've got a small collection of lovely items in the palest of pinks and whites, knits, ruffles and other wondrous lacey details. I also bought my first sunglasses of the year - a cute little pair from Topshop in a chic black case. With a new haircut and new clothes I think I'm ready to get on and enjoy this year!

It's Doppelganger week, so they say, and everyone says mine is Cassie from Skins. Since the first and second series all my friends would tell me I reminded them of her - I suppose it is the wavy hair, delicate dress sense, thinness, weirdness around food and "oh wow" mannerisms. And big random smiles. :)

What's everyone elses'?

new haircut

2010-02-06T20:14:00.002Z

really happy, the last wisps of my post-ana hair are all gone and my hair fills thick and lovely for once :) and it's done a bit to boost my confidence. i'm kind of ill right now, that thick heavyweight of yucky pressure on my head, ears and nose. eww.

In other areas of my world, I bought a lovely £5 dress in the H&M sale, a pretty bra and looked through Marie Claire. And there is a gorgeous ASOS black label pink ruffle dress which would be so cute for Prom, but I can't find it on their website, it's so frustrating!

And I'm kind of anxious, there's a girl at school whose lost a lot of weight, I really wish I could help her, really hope it's not eating disorder related but tbh, the rumours are likely to be true. :/

I want to go to a little Wonderland where this stuff doesn't happen. Where everything is blurred and fuzzy and soft, perceptions are distorted and happiness is a buzz that hangs in the atmosphere. I see that as my past, as a child I lived in dreams like that. Everywhere I walked, I would be acting out my imaginary stories and worlds in my head, I suppose that's why I often feel so out of control; because I spent so much of my childhood in different worlds, and didn't focus enough on the real one around me, and now I'm being forced to deal with this world...it's hard.

I'm a funny child :)

anyone know

2010-02-01T20:45:00.001Z

where i can get a vintage dress for prom? size 8 preferable, not a typical prom dress, something interesting. tah x

My addictions:.

2010-02-01T20:30:00.002Z

Blackberry
sexy white laptop
cranberry scent
glitter body lotion
overthinking everything
dreaming
worrying
downloading music
smoothies
lookbook.nu
skins
drug documentaries
crying

Deer

2010-01-31T17:06:00.001Z

How could anyone hurt these beautiful creatures?:)
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Pretty Things

2010-01-30T20:13:00.006Z

Little snippets of my life. :)

Last night the full moon was absolutely gorgeous and totally mesmerising - I couldn't stop staring at it, it was as if it's intense light was cleansing my soul. I'm not being cheesy on purpose - I genuinely believe the moon meant something last night, I really felt that sort of mystical connection.

I feel really weird and trippy right now, kind of faint and dizzy but my thoughts and emotions seem a bit intensfied, yet dulled down at the same time. No I'm not on crack. I just feel weird :)

Well I suppose those pictures showcase my Body Shop obsession (that banana shake shampoo smells amaaaaaaazing!) and floral hair accessories and nail polish and well, a glimpse of fear. I feel fear a lot, not so much fear, perhaps anxiety. I wonder if I am an anxious person naturally, or if I have developed some form of OCD from my eating disorder. I like to have little routines and like ritualistic behaviour when I do certain things, particularly surrounding food. I always eat really slowly and eat things in a certain order and whatnot. I am probably driving myself insane!

Managed to resist a few buys from Topshop today, my purse breathed a sigh of relief but that pink leather purse is really gorgeous and would go lovely with my pink ostrich-feather-lookalike bag, it's £18 though and there may be a nicer purse somewhere else, so I had to let it go! And while that circus-inspired purple silk skirt was cute, I didn't really need it. Hmm, I suppose I spent enough money on a Blueberry muffin and bus fares! Even just going into town for coffee is expensive around here! I guess it is everywhere.

How is everyone? Had a good weekend? I am so gutted I never get to read all of your blogs and comment, I hate being so busy or tired, I should really try and stay up all night so I can fit in studying and blogggingggg, but my body doesn't function without sleep!

Love you all, fuel my weird/sorta good mood, I could do with some comments!

xxxxxxxxxx

the moon is not only beautiful, it is so far away

2010-01-29T21:39:00.002Z

it's ironic how the most beautiful things in life, the things that make life worth living, are so elusive and out of our reach. When we want something, it is apparently just there, in front of us - but so hard to achieve, so hard to grasp and experience and behold. And what keeps us going? We are like cars fueled up on love, drugs, money, cheap entertainment. Is there anything in our lives substantial and everlasting...? What are we here for? I question myself and my existence more and more. Are we here to make impressions on others, leave our mark on the world? And how can we do that?

Be unique.

That's all I can try and give to the world.

White Lace

2010-01-29T15:29:00.004Z

Well it's been a strange and stressful week. I've sat 3 exams. I think I've done well in two, as for my Music Listening exam today...pahahaha it was torturous. I don't even think I got the question which had Muse's Butterflies and Hurricanes in it right. I'm thoroughly shit at Music Listening, and I don't even particularly care, I worked so hard on everything. I've been studying constantly, and there's been family upsets and stresses and general mishaps. There's been mixed emotions and confusion over how I feel about things. Sometimes good, sometimes bad; I can't make my mind up about how I feel about anyone.

I keep dreaming about drowning and swimming. It's like this amazing fluid freedom, swimming and then drowning, and waking up actually suffocating myself against the pillow. Weird.

Ebay is my new elusive little addiction, other than my cute iPod...I just received my big bottle of Cranberry Body Shop Shimmer Lotion, I love this stuff, it makes my skin sparkle and glitter and smells of warmth and spice and fruitiness. :)

I've been keeping a diary as well, quite regularly and I'm really pleased with myself, I've wanted to do this for years and now I'm finally sticking to it. Although it's hard to write sometimes, it's so cold just now, the wind chills me to the bone more than the snow did! I have jazz band tonight, playing should warm me up! And my practical exam next week :/

I need your help!

I have prom this year. Yes, Prom. And I don't quite know what to wear, I'm not a fan of these over the top cliche traditional 'prom' dresses that are ridiculously bright coloured...I dunno, I think they'd just look a bit tacky on me. I want something vintage; I think a sort of flapper style might suit my figure. If anyone has any ideas, suggestions or inspiration I'd be really appreciative. I was thinking of checking ebay but no idea where to start looking there!

Off to paint! Later lovelies!

xxxxxxxxxxx

Prelim Tomorrow

2010-01-26T18:02:00.000Z

I'm so prepared but so scared.
D:

Colourist

2010-01-25T09:33:00.001Z

Fuelfood x
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Emotionally Exhausted

2010-01-22T21:56:00.002Z

And that's perhaps how I feel right now! I ramble on about exams and studying but that's what's really consuming my life right now. I feel guilty if I am not thinking about work, and I hate it, because it's making my personal life so difficult. I don't know whether I should follow my head or try something new and go for it; fall into different relationships and explore myself, and have fun and branch out. If only my head wasn't so stuffed full of statistics on gender inequalities in the UK and Immigration in the USA. Oh and how could I forget, the Devolved and Reserved powers of the Scottish Parliament? :/

so stressed

2010-01-19T21:05:00.002Z

shattered and tired. I haven't written in my diary or blog, properly for ages. don't expect much either, I have prelim exams in a week and my life is now crammed with studying and as much of a social life as I can muster ...really wish I had time/energy for this blog right now but frankly, I don't. As soon as these exams are over I'll do my best to do more updates, I promise! Love you all! xxxxx

BLOC PARTY SONGS

2010-01-17T18:02:00.002Z

MAKE ME CRY :(
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

formspring.me

2010-01-17T17:12:00.003Z

Ask me anything http://formspring.me/glitterkitty

staring into dark skies

2010-01-16T22:32:00.002Z

I love staring, and dreaming, and wandering. I'd prefer a world where you could just float, pay little attention to the meagre things in life and instead focus on the beautiful. The roaring river rushing past on a backdrop of a blackened, star-strewn sky; reflections of city lights glittering upon the waves. The smell of cooking and food, candles, flowers and perfume. Nature, people, emotions. Why is it there is never enough time for them?

Blogging makes me all fuzzy and warm :)

I have,lyk,the cutest handbags

2010-01-16T20:24:00.000Z

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my weekly nightmare

2010-01-14T18:49:00.001Z

i might quite possibly be going insane from this avalanche of studying and worrying about studying. Prelims in less than two weeks. Modern Studies NAB tomorrow, I’m not sure how to break up my time, everything is hectic and I try hard,very hard to stay focused. Every class adds a little more stress onto the already overflowing worry-bank in my brain. I’m not complaining, I like being busy. I just wish I could balance my emotions and value stuff that should be valued right now instead of all this school bullshit. I just know I CANNOT fail, I’m a perfectionist I suppose, but not just that, I know what’s expected of me and I cannot fucking let them down and fail.

I wish I knew how to make myself fall in love as well.

Hm, weird post over.

untitled

2010-01-13T20:33:00.001Z

it's snowing again and i need to start taking more pictures.

this blog is getting a bit blank.
):

lush posts coming soon? aha x

why is it

2010-01-11T20:54:00.001Z

there's so much to say in that dreamworld between wakefulness and sleep where so many thoughts, emotions and memories pop into your head...and yet that is the time when you have no energy to record them?

Pastel Skies

2010-01-07T19:52:00.000Z

It was rather lovely this morning.

The snow is beautiful; just a pain in the bloody backside. For pretty much everyone!

i'm the one that's drowning now

2010-01-07T19:42:00.002Z

I feel a bit swamped by life right now, and yet strangely detached from everything. The stress of prelims, relationships, deaths and dealing with snow have all built up and tumbled upon me, and yet they don't quite feel real. This first day back at school has been really bizarre, and college was cancelled...I still feel mildly on holiday and it isn't fair because I'm not. I don't know what to do about someone who likes me...I don't know if I like them back. Stupid dilemma as this never happens to me, and I don't know how to deal with it? I've been warming up with some exercise and feel my skin burning, finally some feeling. Nothing can really fill this seeping emptiness that's started to grow within me, eating at my thoughts and feelings. Whenever I feel emotion, strongly, it reappears to eat away and reduce its intensity - is this good or bad? I can't really convey how I'm feeling right now, not even through words, which is usually my strong point.

I should be revising, and I have been lots, but it seems no-one else really has as much as me? I worry if I'm doing too much, but also, when I look at things, it never seems as if I know enough, and I don't know...don't understand the way all this works.

Don't even get me started on body image right now :S

Strawberry almonds

2010-01-07T16:00:00.001Z

College was cancelled so I left school early. Cue prelim panic - this is gonna be a stressful month.
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Topshop Spring Collections - Meadow

2010-01-06T18:17:00.003Z

I adore the look of Topshop's new Spring collections, particularly "meadow". With floral skater dresses (very similar to one I already own!), pretty tights, leather boots and cosy bobble cardigans, I think I will be closely following this look/trend.

It's lighthearted with a hardened, sexy edge.

Unrelated to the collection, but I also spotted this jumper and it looks so warm and so gorgeous. Have a bit of an obsession with chunky knitwear right now!

Photos courtesy of Topshop.com

Survey?

2010-01-05T18:42:00.000Z

If I were a month, I’d be June.
If I were a day of the week, I’d be Friday
If I were a time of day, I’d be 11:11pm
If I were a planet, I’d be Mars
If I were a sea animal, I’d be a Mermaid
If I were a direction, I’d be Right
If I were a piece of furniture, I’d be a really cosy satin couch or something
If I were a historical figure, I’d be Barack Obama. mmmm
If I were a liquid, I’d be green tea
If I were a gemstone, I’d be a pearl
If I were a tree, I’d be an oak
If I were a flower, I’d be a rose
If I were a kind of weather, I’d be bright and sunny or cold and crisp
If I were a musical instrument, I’d be a harp
If I were a color, I’d be red/purple/mint green
If I were a fruit, I’d be a strawberry
If I were a sound, I’d be wind chimes
If I were a car, I’d be a mini
If I were a food, I’d be muesli
If I were a place, I’d be London
If I were a taste, I’d be Sweet
If I were a scent, I’d be rose petals
If I were an object, I’d be an old fashioned leatherbound diary
If I were a body part, I’d be eyes
If I were a facial expression, I’d be melancholy
If I were a song, I’d be MARIA BY GREEN DAY LOLOL.
If I were a pair of shoes, chloe wedges please

Emptiness

2010-01-05T18:28:00.002Z

snowed relentlessly again, ice and slush and treacherous roads and I'm a bit sick of it. Left England at 3.30am, drove up to Scotland, home by about half one. How I adore my fucking home - i really bloody mean it. I felt like crying as Christmas stuff was taken down, damn Twelfth Night. I feel like I should be doing witchcraft or something, but I think I lost all my crystals.

a desire to relapse has been lingering and burning through my thoughts a lot recently. I'm fed up of fat thighs and this blank emptiness I feel - bad stuff's happened, it's not specifically related to me so I won't share, but it's affected me and I feel helpless and distraught and I don't know how to deal with it. Relapse is very appealing right now. But there's almost this desperate part of me clinging on to hope, to the odd chance things might pick up. In fact it's not even that - it's just, I KNOW it's selfish to consider slipping back into any sort of old habits, and I'm rational enough to know it would totally fuck my life up, so why do it? I'm keeping a diary since I was given a lovely silky black one for Christmas and it's sort of helping actually. I don't know...i just wish I had someone to talk to about all this, but in the situation right now, it would be very selfish of me to draw such attention to myself.

Did a little yoga today though, and felt surge of positivity.

Maybe exercise DOES work after all.

Mmmmm about to have tinned carrots for dinner. Wtf.? It's funny when there's no food in the house. Aw well, happy twelfth night and all x

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Biko

2010-01-05T16:24:00.001Z

For my sweetheart the melancholic, you have crossed the river styx
And the waves have taken you away
As I lay my head on your chest, I can hear it your veins
Wake me up when u come to bed

So toughen up
Biko toughen up
Biko toughen up
This world isn’t kind to little things

Was my love strong enough to bring you back from the dead
If I could eat your cancer I would but I can’t
So I keep writing these songs for you
To steal you from your grey
And we can dance in our front room again

So toughen up
Biko toughen up
Biko toughen up
I need you be strong for us
So toughen up
Biko toughen up
Biko toughen up
This world isn’t kind to little things

Don’t you know that when you stand you stand up for the both of us
Remember that when the darkness looms
Every tear you shed is cleansing, taking the pain away from you
I left you blueberries in the fridge, the little things that I can do
You’re not doing this alone
Resist

Bloc Party.

New Year

2010-01-01T18:20:00.002Z

How I love the magic that surrounds New Years Eve...anticipation, love, happiness, excitement. My night consisted of hours of chatting and shivering with cold and eating. It would have been nice to be at a live countdown concert, in London, even Edinburgh, but I enjoyed myself in the little house with some friends. I kept getting phone calls from someone I'd really have liked to talk to, but they wouldn't go through...busy line? I wonder, I wonder if this year will bring good changes in certain people that I genuinely love and care about. And tbh, I WORRY about. If they move forward from bad habits they got into last year I can probably rekindle our similarities and friendships and even more. I just hope it all happens, New Year is a new start. 2010, hiya. :) x

faux diamonds

2009-12-31T18:43:00.000Z

2009

2009-12-31T11:34:00.004Z

For me, 2009 was a major year. What happened? Quite a lot actually...

The year I began to learn to love myself for who I was. The year I lost touch and distanced from some friends because of what they were getting into, mixing in different circles. I made amazing new friends and became closer to really old friends. I developed an obsession with fashion. I began to creatively write again, and loved it, and then stopped because of school. I had a few crushes but sadly no romances. Barack Obama became President and I really wanted to give him a big hug. 2009 was the year I cried an awful lot. I also smiled an awful lot. I learned to do my make-up properly, I learned how to put together outfits. I got addicted to shopping and drank less alcohol. I ate healthily, I gained some needed weight. My hair began to look nicer again. I built upon family relationships - got closer to certain family members and felt much better for it. I repatched some things up with my dad. He's getting married next year, although I won't be going to his wedding.

I discovered Twitter. And became completely addicted. I saw some great films - among them Harry Potter and I'm embarrassed to say it, but New Moon. I watched old films that everyone has generally seen except me...Breakfast at Tiffany's anyone? And developed a love affair with internet fashion; blogging, Polyvore and Lookbook. I learned to enjoy walking, and discovered parts of Ayr I never knew existed. I studied very hard and did well in my exams. Most importantly I got my A IN ENGLISH!

I stayed in a caravan and it was warmer than my house. It snowed for a large chunk of December, and most of it was beautiful. I finally got better at Art. My new hobbies included spritzing perfume from Debenhams and meeting friends for Coffee. I went to college on top of school and began a subject I truly enjoy - Psychology.

I went to many exciting events - Wickerman, the Mighty Boosh Live, MUSE - a band I have wanted to see live for years. I went to slightly wild house parties with boys running around naked and hamsters being tortured, but also slightly more sane ones where we drank vodka punch and ate way too much. A lot of celebrities died this year. I got mild flu in November and had to watch daytime tv. In the world of X Factor, Calvin Harris invaded the show with a pineapple on his head, and RATM beat the winner to Christmas number 1. I did a lot of dancing around the kitchen. I actually wanted to go to Art Galleries. I developed a cereal addiction, and got a Blackberry for my birthday.

But most importantly, above all, my biggest achievement this year was self improvement. I've began to appreciate what I'm good at and my problems and flaws (of which there are still many!) and tried to work on them. I feel I've grown out of where I live and want to move on, to Uni to a bigger town with more people! But I understand I can only achieve that through hard work, so I know I have a tough year ahead. It's going to be a great year though.

Through working hard, love, green tea, music and happiness 2010 will be my best year yet.

xxxx

Perfume and Cherry Brandy

2009-12-30T20:13:00.003Z

I love holidays. I love being trapped inside due to horrendous weather; a vicious combination of icy roads and pavements, harshly strong wind and the odd downpour of freezing rain...all a cocktail for staying in, huh? My house is warm and cosy and alive with fairylights!

Well as promised, I'll reveal I bought Chloe perfume...it's gorgeous, and with the heart note of Rose, I think it really suits me :) I wore it a lot (from stealing sprays from Debenhams!) in summer so it just brings back some lighthearted happy memories. It has a luxurious feminine feel to it, but also light and natural...all in all I kind of love it :-)

It's like wandering through an enchanted forest at sunset, with wildflowers and fairies...

I've had a very distressing day, and yet also very chilled. Pulling myself out of bed, I showered and did a major clothes overhaul, moving around the stuff in my wardrobe and clothes rack, which took over an hour. Did some light weights...I'm not sure if this is a good idea, I want toned arms however I keep getting sore arms hours after doing it! Feel the burn! I suppose that's a good thing? haha, I guess I'm just so unfit..I want to be doing some exercise because I hate being so unfit! I had a bit of bad body image this morning, just kind of looking at where I've filled out and being a bit shocked and weird. It just needs to all sink in a bit better, I think my Christmas indulging may be paying off ;) Saying that, I haven't been weighed in months and months so I haven't really got a clue!

Today I panicked. Panicked a lot, about prelims coming up, about exams and schoolwork and the usual stuff. I managed to shove it away to the back of my thoughts, it's not too important RIGHT now, I have a few more weeks, then I can panic insanely!

Then I spent the late afternoon playing monopoly and sipping cherry brandy. A way to relax a bit and calm down? Halloumi + chick pea stew for dinner, with Hollyoaks (which has gotten so weird right now) and watching Dream Girls later. I quite like Beyonce :)

Tomorrow night is a party, and it's New Years Eve. I don't really have any resolutions...except for to do well in exams and try really hard to get into a relationship with someone lovely! And be more spontaneous and cheerful and have a really good year. And grow my hair more :) x

Chrimbo limbo

2009-12-30T09:26:00.002Z

The last few days since Christmas have been a comforting blend of chilling at home, eating leftovers and generally relaxing. Oh, and of course SALE SHOPPING! I will post more on that later.

Indulging in cute mince pies.

And showing off some luxury...sparkles...nail paint...YSL Paris perfume (nearly run out!)

and btw I purchased my first own bottle of perfume yesterday, it is the prettiest scent i love it, have been stealing spritzes of it from Debenhams for months and finally got round to buying it! I'll tell you more on that later though ;) xxx

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200th Post.

2009-12-29T23:55:00.002Z

Wow, what can I honestly say. I started this new blog over half a year ago, and I think I've come quite a way since then. I started blogging over a full year ago, and it's scary to think of the sheer influence it's had on my life. A year ago, I was deadly underweight and living in a delusional idea of anorexia recovery. I was fragile, emotionally and physically. I had no direct interests other than food and all that bullshit. Now, my mind has finally evolved back into its former self. I have avid interests, passions and loves. I'm in love with life, with fashion, with shopping...art...people...places. Send me abroad and I will take in my sights and surroundings and drink in the sights, smells, tastes with so much enthusiasm. I won't be consumed by meagre food worries and thoughts back weight, calories and if my legs look skinny enough in my shadow.

That shadow that followed me everywhere. It's like your brain is manipulated into a one-way stream of thought, there is no room for creativity and variety of perceptions. There is just negativity and despair, blank and numb depression. Almost like a safety blanket of emptiness, something to cling to; this desperate weakness and withdrawel from the chaotic life around me.

But I don't want that anymore. Fuck safety and comfort zones, sensory withdrawel. I couldn't think clearly without the dark shroud of an ED smothering my brain, I couldn't taste or smell properly - food wasn't attractive; the powerful scents of petrol and cigarette smoke sent my mind reeling rather than freshly baked cookies. I couldn't love or relate, I could only withdraw.

Thankfully, I managed to overcome most of this. My creativity has returned and most of my lust for life :)
I do have blogging to thank partly for this. The essence of community is amazing and I know it's cliche but talking and sharing problems helps so much.
I can't thank you all enough...anyone who reads this blog, and all the lovely comments you leave; I read every single one, and although I don't always reply, I am always sure to check out your blogs. You have all contributed to my well-being and I owe you so much <3

I suppose blogging is like a diary. But it is more edgy than that, you take the risk that anyone can read your most private thoughts. It makes it harder to open up, but it also emphasises the emotional value of what is written - thoughts and feelings and stories are bare and raw, laid out like an open wound for the world to see. I'm not sure if I like it, but I find it oddly addictive and soothing and in a weird way, reassuring. That all my experiences are recorded, I can see how far I have come, the changes that have occured...And reflecting on all the good times through photographs and memories.

All in all; I love you all and hope this blog will survive in the months ahead...despite the huge load of revision and work I need to start on tomorrow. Again, thank you so so so much!
Happy 200th Post;)
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Gorgeous new bag!

2009-12-29T17:49:00.002Z

it's my consolation for not having a kitten!

it's snow, baby

2009-12-27T22:44:00.002Z

as you can see, my christmas day was absolutely gorgeous. it would have been completely perfect if I didn't end it watching The Great Escape; officially the most boring movie I've ever watched. It may be a "classic" but seriously UGH *yawns* D-U-L-L. Although I made up for it Boxing Day by sticking on Breakfast at Tiffany's. Audrey Hepburn is so glamorous I was slightly in love with her outfits. And the cat!

Well my stomach is about to burst with Christmas pudding right now so I might go sleep it off, night lovelies xxxxx

cranberry logs and crimson toenails

2009-12-26T17:38:00.003Z

haha thought we'd give Bella a manicure/pedicure. and these marzipan mini dark chocolate, pistachio+cranberry yule logs are rather marvellous
<3

Merry Christmas

2009-12-24T22:36:00.000Z

Love you all xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Art folio needs sorted.

2009-12-22T18:42:00.001Z

------------------

Failed Yule Log

2009-12-22T15:41:00.003Z

Today my brother and I tried cooking yule log, and failed...miserably. Turned out a brownie-bread-crumbley burnt mess. School's been closed so much, it's easy to get super excited for Christmas. I'm all nerve-wracked and anxious and excited and thrilled and happy and spirited. And I don't know what's going to happen this week; whether my plans will actually happen because of the weather, it's snowing so hard. I'm stuck in this conflict between feeling obliged to socialise and DO stuff to make the most of the lead up to Christmas, and the desire to cosy up in the warmth, staring gleefully at the weather outside and feeling awesome.

Happy Winter Solstice

2009-12-21T20:49:00.001Z

I love December, and I love the snow.

2009-12-20T18:43:00.001Z

The snow makes everything and everywhere beautiful.

Christmas spirit makes everything and everyone beautiful.

Everywhere seems to alive right now, so happy, spirited, cheerful. In love with this feeling :)

and so it snows

2009-12-19T00:35:00.003Z

perfect little day, well not perfect but rather nice...awakening to freezing temperatures, frozen toes, dry mouth, lips and throat, extreme thirst and headache not a good way to start...but the onset of snow, beautiful drifts of snowflakes leaving glinting patterns on the roads, it's all rather wonderful. as well as watching films - going to the pictures to see the new st. trinians film and marvelling at the super chic super slutty uniforms and amazingly huge hair, and then wild child. chic flicks of course, i'm in that kind of mood.

feed me some fashion.
it's less than a week till christmas.
can't.fucking.wait<3

Glitter nails

2009-12-17T22:29:00.001Z

Yum yum Barry M.
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10 days till christmas

2009-12-15T20:49:00.000Z

and i'm so happy.:)

Winter Black Lace

2009-12-13T16:36:00.001Z

Outfit from last Saturday’s coach journey to see Sleeping Beauty…Add Signature Red lipstick to complete look.

Spending Sundays by the sea chills you to the bones so arriving home is like a brilliant warm hug.

Sunday afternoon

2009-12-13T14:05:00.001Z

------------------

Up to 2.30am

2009-12-13T13:32:00.002Z

I've suddenly felt a close, electrical connection to everyone. Like my time is limited and I need to people, I need to feel comfort in friends. I need them to know how much they mean to me. I need to fix their problems and fix what's happening. I want to stop bad things happening. Can you stop bad things happening? How?

Do you remember a time when we used to feel so alive?

Everything...I need it again. I need every sense to be felt so vividly. Not the fading ghost, skeletal and faint; senses and thoughts numbed and controlled by futile patterns and routines and obsessions. I need love and happiness and I think I need it very soon.

First Mince Pie of the Year

2009-12-11T21:41:00.000Z

be sure to make a wish with your first bite! :) xxxxxxxxxxx

Where do you find the time...

2009-12-09T21:25:00.002Z

To fit everything in?

Art folio stuff.
COUNTLESS essays.
Revision.
School.
College.
Night classes.
Jazz band(s).
Concerts.
Social life.
Coffee meet-ups.
Friends.
Feelings.
Thoughts.
Worries.
Therapy appointment.?
Health.
Food.
MANICURE!

Suggestions?
Friday night trip to Silverburn, and I think Saturday I'll try pull an allnighter to get some painting done. Eeeeek I'll fall asleep and get acrylics all over my face!

sorry

2009-12-09T20:53:00.001Z

for extreme lack of posting. I have been (and still am) SO busy. up to my eyeballss. but yeah, so super excited for christmas! i will do a proper update soon, promise loves. xxxxx

tired and lethargic

2009-12-06T18:26:00.002Z

and my brother is completely and utterly doing everything in his power to make me feel like shit. help?

Upset

2009-12-03T21:00:00.001Z

I just booked tickets for the 21st December at King Tuts in Glasgow, spending £20, without realising it's an over 18's venue, even though I got in last year? I'm really worried now...I'm 16 and I don't know if I'll get in? It was going to be a good gig as well, all Christmassy and acoustic and lovely. Fucking over 18's. So UNFAIR. I don't even WANT to buy alcohol or whatever shit, just enjoy a little intimate gig. :/

Breakfast

2009-12-02T07:49:00.001Z

And Psychology revision.
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First December

2009-12-01T20:12:00.004Z

I woke up to freezing cold air, sparkling fairylights surrounding my bed and an advent calendar lovingly placed on my dressing table by mother-dear :)

Put me in a nice little mood, and I was rather excited to find a Ferrero Rocher in the 1st December box. Posh or what? This was satisfactorily consumed later on when I arrived home from an exhausting dreary day of school (which heavily consisted of playing carols in trombone and band, and sitting a Computing NAB) where I collapsed onto my bed. Aside from a little bother from my dad, and the usual weariness of Tuesdays at school, it's been a great start to the month :)

Topshop slippers, and discovering an ancient treasure trove of decade-old stage makeup made it a bit more glittery and fun though!

Through My Eyes it Looked so Pretty

2009-11-28T21:31:00.005Z

Today was lovely. I went to Glasgow...and as soon as the train rolled into the city I felt incredibly 100 times better; I think I'm naturally a city person, I love people watching and I embrace the noise and shopping and street buskers and store window displays and lights and whatnot. It's breathtaking and amazing and kind of re-energising. Well, especially if you're a small town girl like me. My town is...shit to say the least...

I walked around lots and lots, and did a lot of Christmas present searching and purchasing. There are at least 4 H&M's and 4 Accessorizes in Glasgow...It's pretty cool. I could just take home all the jewellery in Accessorize, stunning little bracelets and jewellery, adorable little stocking fillers, scarves, gloves in every colour and pattern - the prettiest underwear. It's all just so lovely. Also had a quick peek in the new H&M at Buchanan Galleries, looks very nice and big, but didn't enough time for a proper browse :/

I lunched in Pret a Manger, breaking the old Starbucks habit, and I've got to admit, their sandwiches are so much nicer - and fresher! I had the seasonal Brie + Cranberry one with pistachios...it was heavenly. And a bit of Green Tea.

I GOT TOPSHOP SLIPPERS!
And went to Borders and scavenged the Paperchase section for nearly an hour; I want all the stationary in there. Seriously, I reckon if they introduced it in schools everyone would start studying just to use the gorgeous notebooks and stuff. On the train home, we sort of owned these idiotic chavs who were fighting and nearly squashing this poor kid. And I've just spent the past two hours revising Psychology essays as I have a NAB on Friday and it's safe to say I'm rather shitting it! Now for some well earned dinner. Beans'n'cheeze on toast? Love you all

Happy Thanksgiving!

2009-11-26T19:44:00.001Z

My wish is for it to snow like this again :)

xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

New Laptop Purchased!

2009-11-26T19:39:00.001Z

Yum yum yum! It’s so chic…almost like a Mac with it’s white keyboard! And it has a lovely wine-red cover too. PC World recommended this over my original Dell choice because it seemed better value for money, and when I compared the specs I guess they were right.

Intel Pentium Dual Core T4300
(2.1Ghz, 800Mhz, 1MB Cache)
Genuine Windows(R) 7 Home Premium
4GB Memory
320GB Hard drive

I’m super excited for Christmas now, like unbelievably! It’s going to be the most amazing time ever, and the build-up is already pretty good. Trying to have lots of cosy nights in, nights out and days around town. I’m going to Silverburn to shop this weekend, purchasing Christmas presents I think!

I got a lovely black lace dress with shoulder pads last weekend, it’s so pretty, I can’t wait to wear it. And a black rose corsage top from H&M. Now I just need parties to roll on. Pleeease! :)
In such a good mood!
BYE!x

Computer Advice

2009-11-25T19:42:00.001Z

For Christmas I want to buy myself a laptop or desktop PC with a budget of around £400. I don't know whether to buy a PC or laptop, because I suppose laptops already have wireless. But PCs tend to have better speakers? I need advice! I was thinking the Dell 1545 laptops...but apparently Acer are better...I'm not computer illiterate or anything but I wonder if you have suggestions?
I'm looking basically for lots of RAM, good speakers, quite a wide screen, and obviously memory etc is useful. Thanks! x

A New Moon

2009-11-22T18:09:00.003Z

I made this weekend an adventure. I swear I did :)

I saw the silvery sliver of a moon, hanging in the star-studded, blackened sky shrouded in gleaming mist, high above the college car park. The icey river flowing beneath. I saw tears and laughter, smiling friends and vicious arguments. Scrumptious hot chocolates and family sized bags of Revels. Crimson nails and stripey oversized H&M tees. Glittery turquoise eye-makeup.My fairylights are up. I'm biting my tongue not to start singing Christmas songs. I saw New Moon; and it surpassed my expectations, I rather enjoyed it and have found myself dying to know if Bella accepts Edward's proposal. Please, no spoilers, I may start reading the books.

Life is good if you make it good, and that's the lesson I learned this weekend.

xxxxxxxxx

Sketchbook

2009-11-22T18:03:00.000Z

See the lights

2009-11-21T21:23:00.002Z

Sorry for the crap pictures, taken on my Blackberry in a bit of a rush. Today was exhausting, and an adventure, and I would've absolutely loved it if certain things were different. My problem recently has been my new surge of hope and optimism. Sure, that's great. I feel sudden rushes of happiness and channel them into imagining my days to be a certain way, and always expect to enjoy everything. Yet this new mood isn't reflected in everyone around me, so really...it doesn't work. How could it? Other people's mood swings, illnesses, misfortunes, exhaustion and sadness inevitably have a wearing effect upon me and my mood and my 'happy day'. I think I have a slightly childish optimism right now, hopeful for Christmas, burying problems. However I'm still a realist in the right way. I'm still working hard for exams and school and studying as much as I can without going insane.

I bought a black lace dress with shoulders. Mmmm, think I might be able to pull off this trend finally :)

I didn't manage to get my sequins unfortunately...but I will find something with sequins by Christmas, I promise. I also need to start wearing glittery make-up, to be a bit more festive. Oh yes. And my brother has uploaded our Christmas album onto iTunes..I'm trying hard to wait to the first of December before playing it. The lights are up in town though and they are rather pretty. I can't wait for them all to go on and hopefully they'll put a big tree up?

Bought an amazing glitter ball for an xmas pressie today!

And fairylights for my room!

And got my shoes reheeled. And literally nearly had a heart attack running over the bridge in the dark and up the high street to the shoe-repair shop because it closed at five and I spent far too long in TK maxx. Oh welllllll! Suffer for your fashion. xo

Beanscene Banter

2009-11-20T21:40:00.004Z

Like all my classes were empty/cancelled today. Seriously, such a pissup. Nobody turned up at Psychology so I spent a couple of hours in the library, and this ginger dude started talking to me like I was a living thesaurus. He was kinda cool though :)

Hung out in Beanscene for hours with Courtneyyyy! Hunger pangs are cured rather satisfactorily with Triple Chocolate Muffins, Green Tea + a plate of nachos piled with melted cheddar cheese, cool salsa, hot jalapenos and of course a dollop of sour cream. nomnomnommmmssz.

Was just like old times. Discussing our current "social situations" aka how we're so sick of how things are going for some of our friends and whatnot. And our problems and hopes and likes and dislikes and all those silly things. It was good. So cosy as well, I love coffee shops that open late...and they put little tealights on your table and have comfy leather sofas and David Bowie + Florence and the Machine playing softly in the background. Goooood atmosphere, y'know? Oh and then Jazz Band, was pretty much empty as well. Got through Viva La Vida and a few others, but sadly no Christmas songs. I love playing Christmas songs, it really makes me feel all spirit-y and seasonal and Christmasssyyy! Got a lift home, bangin' out some choons from Friday Night on Radio 1 ;) & discussing Psychology experiments on animals with the mother. Like Brady's "Executive Monkey" experiment where the monkeys were given the power to control electric shocks, and this harsh responsibility led them to developing stomach ulcers and dying; pretty nasty cruel stuff. My music teacher told me some prick around where I live tied a firework to a cat, and it was found a week later, still alive, having been in extreme pain for the whole week, so they put it down. I'm sorry but I can't begin to imagine and comprehend how cruel you must be to do a sick thing like that. I love cats :'(

Oh dear, is it sad when your brother has been on the phone to his girlfriend for hours and it starts to make you feel ever so slightly lonely? I would love a guy right now, please, for Christmas? Sorry I ask for far too much hehe.xo

Russian Navy

2009-11-19T18:57:00.001Z

i want this Opi nail polish. plz?:)

little thoughts

2009-11-18T20:57:00.004Z

i want to watch lady and the tramp. my hair smells of australian wild cherries :) i've sketched my christmas list onto some emily the strange notepaper from under my bed, a relic of my little goff days. i want:

miss dior cherie

some slippers & topshop underwear

purple iPod nano

smoothie maker

glitter make-up & body lotion

and various other treasures :)

plz fill my stocking with thorntons. xo

unnatural selection

2009-11-18T20:52:00.001Z

anyone watched zeitgeist? heard it's pretty good, maybe a bit melodramatic. but i still want to see it.

Exhaustion

2009-11-17T20:26:00.003Z

Some nice stuff I've been eating, y'all.

Sprouts! (feeling a bit Christmassy) with cabbage, veggie bacon, onion stuffed Yorkshire Pudding

Toast + Hot Chocolate (Green and Blacks of course)

And ehh...random breakfast? Strawberry bowl ^^

Tonight was parent's night, and for the first time I actually went along with my mum. I got really good reports, actually love all my teachers they're all pretty caring and whatever. Especially my Modern Studies teacher...commented on how he's concerned about me dozing off in class, he's like "i'm just worried about you! I know you have taken on so much to do etc" and I'm like "I promise it's not cause you're lessons are boring, I'm just permanently shattered!" and i guess it's true - I am permanently shattered. And it's not good, but really there's nothing left I can do about it, I just have to struggle on as I am. I love my subjects though, and I guess this evening reminded me that; I am doing exactly the things I want to do. Well, kind of.

I want to have more time to spend on just being creative - I want to be able to continue Fairylights & Flowers, I want to be able to do more scrapbooking, drawing, painting, making things. I want to be able to sit and make little crafty stuff for Christmas, and bake and cook and whatever, but I just don't have the time, and I have so many Nabs looming before Christmas holidays there's just very little chance =/ Although I know making time for myself is important, I just struggle, I don't see it much as a priority. It would help if I could get on the computer more (my brother is on it all the time on msn) so I could actually get work done properly, and a lot quicker than this shitheap of a laptop. Ah well.

Lightbulb heels

2009-11-16T22:28:00.000Z

I'm feeling so lonely, and I take comfort in the glory of these shoes <3
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autumn survey.

2009-11-15T13:57:00.002Z

1.favorite variety of apple? pink lady, or the mini Disney ones in Tesco.

2. apples dipped in? peanut butter or chocolate with sprinkles

3. favorite way to enjoy pumpkin? soupsoupsoup! or perhaps pumpkin chili.

4. favorite soup? with crackers or bread? pumpkin, or sweet potato/butternut squash. and really crusty wholemeal bread please.

5. do you eat orange foods all year round? yeah I guess; oranges, sweet potatoes, carrots...

6. most used spice in your autumn cooking: anything, umm cinnamon, nutmeg or ginger probably.

7. you are baking some homemade bread, what flavor combination of bread would you like to make? oh i don't know, I haven't made bread in ages. Maybe cranberry and orange bread. Or something savoury like sundried tomato + basil.

8. favorite autumn vegetables and ways to eat it? roasted sprouts...or my mum's red cabbage.

9. hot chocolate, hot cider, coffee or tea? i like the sound of hot chocolate, Green & Black's please. But you can't beat some chai tea, and I've yet to try Hot Cider.

10. favorite seasonal dessert? APPLE PIEEEEEEEEE/CRUMBLEE

11. lets make a fall stew! pick any 6 ingredients to create your one: sweet potato, pumpkin, carrot, lentils, red onion

12. pumpkin seeds, sunflower seeds, walnuts or almonds to snack on? i can't choose between almonds or walnuts! both yummy.

13. popcorn flavor/seasoning? cinnamon, or just sweetened with sugar.

14. bowl of hot cereal you have been wanting to try: probably some kind of apple pie oatmeal, or gingerbread oats.

pkmn

2009-11-15T13:51:00.000Z

cuteee.

Healthy?

2009-11-15T10:52:00.000Z

------------------

Sort of desperately require this for Christmas.

2009-11-15T10:29:00.002Z

I absolutely adore the scent of this perfume, it's so classic and pretty and lighthearted yet still sensual. Hmm. Christmas anyone? ;)
So I'm personally feeling a bit better, nearly recovered from this stupid flu thing, although my family are a bit under the weather still. I don't know, it just seems like hazy days around here, and I guess my social life is suffering. I never do anything interesting at the weekend. I need parties and lights and music and excitement. And maybe cocktails? Although I'd like to try hot cider first.
Current vice = steaming chai tea after coming in from college when it's dark.
xo

Handmade pizza

2009-11-14T19:30:00.000Z

------------------

Wedge Boots

2009-11-14T18:17:00.001Z

buy me some and i'll love you forever?

Christmas Dress

2009-11-14T18:02:00.003Z

I need a dress for the Christmas dance and various possible parties (that haven't been arranged yet) and found a few Topshop numbers online...Any further suggestions?

Chai Tea + Notebooks

2009-11-14T13:39:00.000Z

My psychology essay needs done.
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cranberry addiction

2009-11-13T21:34:00.002Z

i don't know whether it's because it's such a seasonal scent and flavour, or if there's some deeper meaning but I have become addicted to cranberry. Coconut is over, cranberry has moved in. My skin is glittering with Body Shop shimmer lotion (awesome skin moisturiser) my room smells of cranberry fragrance oil and I've been drinking an awful lot of Cranberry juice. I'm also looking forward to my next trip to Glasgow, simply so I can visit Starbucks and get a seasonal mug. I think my next trip will be to see the lights. How I love Christmas lights!

friday the 13th

2009-11-13T21:29:00.001Z

nothing unlucky has happened today. pretty rad huh? well i'm as usual shattered and nackered off my feet. My throat hurts and so does my chest. But mentally I'm pretty awesome...I love being busy, I love being out and on my feet. And then coming home to crash in the warm cosiness with green tea and food and Gossip Girl and our new gorgeous cream carpet :) xo

yum

2009-11-11T20:28:00.000Z